Neuromancer Cover Art. Shit and shittier.

The review for this is long since past, but on updating my Goodreads account I couldn’t help noticing the staggeringly shit selection of covers for Neuromancer. Or no, let me rephrase. The staggering selection of shit covers. Observe:

a-MAZE-ing. Geddit? Like in that film that finally caught up to the book.
It’s about computers, right? So we just need to make circuits look interesting and sexy. Easy! Um…no. Despite the Matrix proving that green glowy numbers can look kind of cool, obviously everybody here went for the swamp brown. Why wouldn’t you. Everything’s rusty or mossy in cyberspace, right?

The other option is to be so embarrassed by your terrible cover art that you shrink it down and have it as an inset. Then hopefully someone might mistake it for a textbook. Here you can actually see the shame increasing as the windows get smaller.

Is....is that Grace Jones?  
What’s even better is you can reuse those generic blue shapes as powerpoint backgrounds.

But if you think that’s bad, at least it’s not hilarious. Unlike the sulky man sniffing his own armpit on a hotplate.
Do you smell burning?

Then there are the covers that have absolutely nothing to do with the book.

 
I mean, to be fair, Molly wears sunglasses, there is a bit on the beach, and there are women in it. I don’t remember a beachball, but maybe my attention was waning. Still, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a tropical paradise where Molly gets it on with Mario the mobster pool guy, which is sort of what this collage is suggesting. Similarly, I don’t remember Jupiter featuring very highly in it – even if there is a bit of space travel, it’s hardly the main thrust of the book. Just the fact that the same book could have these two cover images is kind of magical.

But my absolute favourite is this one:


Apparently the future is full of men with widow’s peaks tipping their invisible hats. I for one can’t wait.

If you enjoyed that, I can highly recommend Good Show Sir, which will provide you with an equally terrible sci-fi cover every single day of your life, should you wish. Bliss.

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